dude.

ok. sooooo I......

think life isn't cool.

i mean in some ways it is.

right now, i know for sure at least one guy likes me. and there's another one i'm pretty sure about. they've both liked me forever + a day. one i knew about, the other... not so much. One guy I almost went out with. we were... "special friends" or whatever. but it sucked cuz he started smoking. ugh. it wasn't cool. so it never worked out and i found patrick! and he was amazing -_-

then the other guy i've known him.... oh lets see 7 years? at least. woah. and i always thought he was cute lol. we lived in the same neighborhood. and he became friends with one of my friends and all of the sudden we were all hanging out together. He was a nice guy and i've always thought highly of him or w/e. and the main reason i thought he was cute was cuz he looked JUST like the guy i was currently liking at school. for like 2 years.

anyway enough of that. i dont wanna think about it.

as i was walking away from lunch today i saw a certain guy in the hallway. i looked away quickly but not quickly enough for him to notice me and that i was looking and then idk y but i looked back again and he was still looking and he smiled a nice big friendly smile and i smiled back and then i looked away and headed up the stairs. o.o what to do what to do. i kinda gave up on him w/o even starting ya kno. and i already sorta said i'd give the guy up there ^ a chance. soo i'm sorta stuck. not that this guy is doing anything. smiling doesn't exactly constitute for a change in plans.

that's the only good guy news i have.

onto what's been bugging me. this house... i want to fix it. it makes me sad. it doesn't express who i am. not one bit it's not cool and funky like i've always dreamed. why does everyone want 2 remodel their room b4 their senior year? it's kinda annoying. i'll hardly ever be in this place again! HOW SAD IS THAT?!?!?!?! really sad.

there's so much i want to do these days. now i can't even remember what it was. :( i just hiccuped. just so u know.

doo doo doo. my friend at lunch today err slash before 3rd was like T_T what's wrong. hah she's good. everything's wrong nothing's right. i just can't think of anything mainly cuz i've already cried as much as i can about it all. now my school stuff is feeling a little better but i still have 2 tests to take. and lets not even START talking about exams and exemptions and crap. i realized this morning that i never really cry in front of anyone anymore. minus my parents. but i use to. amanda sure has seen me cry. the sad part is it's generally at my bday party.

speaking of which... ok. umm what to do what to do.

sleepover right? i can't deal w/ inviting guys this year. obviously didn't work last year. gah. when to have it. i think i might just have to have it be the 24th. cuz i don't want to have to rush to get on the bus cuz i kno all my friends aren't goin 2 camp.

but hey! at dinner that night at camp they'll say it's my bday and sing to me! yay! :D *brief happiness*

i wonder if it's too late to sign up for anyone of my friends who want to go. i'm gonna start making an event on facebook for it. whoo.

oh... that one guy in the hall... he wanted to try my cake. dang. eh. what's a grl to do. idk. he'd feel awkward anyway. i am going to make a list for the party right now.

peace.